What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 13:56
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.
So, i spoilt her more .
When does a woman know she is cumming?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was very sick at this time too.
I think the readers, may guess!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
If freedom of speech is absolute, how come it's not applied for private spaces and for the Internet?
This is soul school!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I said to her
Can someone write me a sex story?
I couldn’t, believe it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
How did you know you weren't the narc?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trump airs frustrations with Xi and Jerome Powell over elusive economic goals - NBC News
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It was going to be , some day.
ASCO day 2: A tragic paradox, Gilead updates, and lots of Pfizer news - statnews.com
So whats the point in blame.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rocks reveal the turning point when oxygen changed Earth forever - Earth.com
She loved him until the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
We all went to grammer schools
As a teacher, what's the most inappropriate experience you've had with a student?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot live in the past .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And i lived it daily.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My family never makes their pension either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I waited trembling.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Put me off passion for life!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She married twice! .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I will be 64.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What did i know ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My life is so biszare .
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I write beautiful poetry .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was scared of men, in general
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I have no regrets .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who then, do I blame.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Was to survive, this bastard.
All the time i was locked up.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I never cut or harmed myself..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She wouldn,t have been !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.